The Onion is pursuing a legitimate bid to take over Infowars through bankruptcy proceedings and turn it into a parody publication — this is a real legal maneuver being executed openly, not a secret conspiracy. The post invents a 'satanic pledge' that no credible source documents and reframes straightforward satire as a 'war,' using apocalyptic language to manufacture outrage from ambiguous court proceedings. What's actually happening: The Onion won the right to bid on Infowars assets after Jones' Sandy Hook defamation cases, and is using this to launch a parody news site with a rainbow logo — which is the kind of transparent, absurdist humor The Onion is known for.